It's All Fun At the Carnival
by Angelia Dark
Summary: Sequel to It's All Fun and Games. It's now Gamzee's birthday, and John and Gamzee decide to put EVERYTHING into pulling the biggest prank EVER on everyone. Rating for language.
1. Prologue

**It's All Fun At the Carnival**

 _ **Prologue**_

John found himself holed up in Gamzee's respiteblock a LOT these days. Really, it was the only place Gamzee and him could talk and do stuff without anyone else doing something to set Gamzee on edge. Even if they didn't really DO anything, one wary look would bring Gamzee's mood down.

So John resolved to stay in here with Gamzee for most of the time. Sure, he missed some interaction from his other friends, but he hated it when Gamzee couldn't be included in things. Besides, Gamzee's respiteblock was pretty neat. He had a ton of Alternian comic books, a pretty cool (if not weird) music collection, and an assortment of books pertaining to Alternian Highblood culture.

It was those books that John really gave the credit to for not making as many faux pas as he used to, even if they WERE a bit bloodcist (was that even a word?). But he recognized that the trolls weren't human, and different places had different lifestyles and guidelines, and it would really be silly to assume the whole universe functioned the way Earth did.

He managed to find a way to duplicate the books, but have them duplicate translated in English using the alchemiter so Gamzee didn't have to keep translating for him, and he was admittedly hooked on the stuff. It was like reading science fiction, but BETTER.

John had just finished one of his books and picked up one from the pile Gamzee gave him to translate, looking at the copy. "…Hey, Gamzee?"

Gamzee looked up from his blanket pile, cracking an eye open. "Sup, motherfucker?" he asked. John smiled. He was used to Gamzee using 'motherfuck' a lot, ranging from nouns to adjectives, and could even tell by now when he used it as a term of endearment or an insult. He held up the book he had just picked up.

"…What's a Subjugglator?"

THAT perked Gamzee up. He sat up and began telling John everything about his religion, the Mirthful Messiahs, the customs, EVERYTHING. His enthusiasm was clear, considering nobody really ASKED him about it before, let alone sat there and LISTENED.

John indeed did listen, and whoa, was it something to listen to. He'd heard from Karkat that Gamzee worshipped 'some asshole gods or the other', but there was so much MORE to it. Not that he would PERSONALLY convert and be all about the sacrifices and stuff, but hey, some religions ate and drank the proverbial body and blood of THEIR messiah, so who was HE to judge?

"Wow," he said, sitting back. "Didn't know your face paint was that important. It all makes sense now."

"SEE, motherfucker?!" Gamzee said, flailing his arms. "YOU SEE! I've been tryin' to motherfuckin' schoolfeed th' ignorant motherfuckers about it all, but none of 'em motherfuckin' LISTEN!" He growled, baring his teeth. "Especially not th' motherfucker who blasts that MOTHERFUCKIN' BLASPHEMY—"

"Shoooooosh." John reached over, shooshpapping Gamzee's head. "Yeah, Dave doesn't get it. For all his talk of 'irony', he REALLY doesn't grasp the concept of 'tasteful satire' at ALL."

"…th' fuck is 'satire'?" Gamzee asked.

"Oh…it's a way of making fun of something, like a parody…but it can be done WITHOUT offending someone. Like, if someone's in on the joke." John sat back, flipping through the book. "It's especially funny if someone who has no idea what you're talking about takes it seriously, then you can laugh at their ignorance. So it's like a double-joke for the ones who play it."

"Huh." Gamzee. "…So…th' Motherfuckin' Blasphemy….ISNT this…motherfucking 'satire'."

"Sort of. But you've already established that it's offensive, so it's not tasteful satire. You weren't a part of the joke, you WERE the joke. And even though you've made it clear you don't like it, he's still making it offensive. Now, if YOU made up some jokes about your own religion that YOU were a part of, THEN it's back to funny. See?"

Gamzee scratched his head. "…yeah," he finally said. "I do. I motherfuckin' get it." He gave John a long, hard look. "….so you're sayin'….I can make a motherfuckin' joke of th' ignorant motherfuckers who know shitfuck about anything 'cause they'll believe it."

"Exactly," John said, still focused on the book. "Like….you could make up some REALLY bogus but REALLY scary goth poetry and tell them it's a holy sermon or something and make them listen to it."

"Mm," Gamzee grunted his approval of the idea, still staring at John. "…Hey, Johnbro, I have a motherfuckin' idea. A BIG motherfuckin' idea." John looked up just as Gamzee was pulling off a grin that showed off all of his teeth.

"….a REEEEEEEEEEEAL motherfuckin' big idea."


	2. Let's Get Our Faces Painted!

**It's All Fun at the Carnival**

" _ **Let's Get Our Faces Painted!"**_

Dave looked over at Karkat out of nowhere with a sudden realization. "You know, Gamzee's birthday—"

"WIGGLING day," came Karkat's interruption.

"—fucking whatever, is tomorrow, and John hasn't said anything about it."

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK," Terezi shouted, making them both jump. "NOW you brought it up! You've JINXED us all, Dave, thanks a LOT!" Dave and Karkat stared at her.

"…..I thought you were totally game for another party," Dave said.

Terezi grinned. "I am. I'm just fucking with you." She ducked when Karkat threw a pillow at her head, scurrying out of the room.

"Great, just FUCKING great!" Karkat griped, grinding his teeth. "Knowing Egbert, he's probably gonna get us all up pretty soon to fucking PLAN for this shit!" He flopped back on the couch. "….I…really cant take another party, guys…..I really fucking cant…."

Dave snorted, shaking his head. "Hey, maybe he'll incorporate a piñata this year. That'll be fun."

"The FUCK is a piñata?!"

"It's a paper animal stuffed with candy that you try to hit open with a stick while blindfolded."

"…..okay now you're just making this shit up as you go along."

"No, he's actually not," Rose said, walking over and sitting down with a cup of coffee. "It's actually pretty fun. Especially the bloodbath that comes after you crack it open and you have to fight to get the best candy." Her smile went particularly dark, making Dave and Karkat shudder. "Good times."

"…Don't worry, Karkat, there's LITERALLY no bloodbath. Just a bunch of stupid greedy kids shoving each other to get more candy than anyone else." He papped his moirail's shoulder, noticing an interesting twitch above the troll's eye. "But hey, worst-case scenario, we'll just play Truth or Dare again, and—"

"NO! NO MORE FUCKING TRUTH, AND DEFINITELY NOT FUCKING DARE!" Karkat shrieked, already getting war flashbacks. "NO MORE TWISTER, NO MORE CARDS, NO MORE POT BROWNIES—"

Dave was too busy trying to shooshpap Karkat into a calm state to notice John come running in. He DID notice when Rose dropped her coffee cup on the floor and splashed on his cape. "ROSE, what the hell—"

"HEY GUYS, LOOK!" John said, rushing up, looking jubilant. Karkat looked up and was almost sent into another panic attack.

John fucking Egbert's face was done in Subjugglator makeup. John….fucking Egbert's face…..was done in SUBJUGGLATOR makeup. JOHN FUCKING EGBERT'S FACE WAS—

"Gamzee painted my face for me!" he said, sounding like a little kid at the fairground. "Isn't it cool? He said it makes me 'one of him now', whatever THAT means, but I think it's really neat that he'd do this for me!" He looked around at everyone for approval.

Dave kind of scrunched his face, not liking the look at ALL. Rose just stared. Karkat resisted the urge to jump up and shake some sense into John's stupid, stupid head.

"Aw, c'mon guys, I think it's neat!" John pouted, crossing his arms. "Gamzee's sharing stuff with me, that's got to count for SOMETHING!"

More silence.

"GUUUUUUUH, fine, be that way. I'm going back to his respiteblock, he's got some stuff he'd like me to read. Later!" He waved, heading off.

Karkat was turning an interesting shade of green-red, and Dave had to shake him to remind him to breathe. "WHAT THE FUCK!? IS EGBERT REALLY THAT FUCKING STUPID!? WHAT THE FUCK!?"

"Ease up, Karkat, I'm sure he's really being that stupid. ….Am kinda worried about whatever shit the juggalo wants him to read, though."

"PROBABLY some Subjugglator initiation fuckery!" Karkat shouted. "Did it NOT cross Egbert's TINY FUCKING BRAIN to ASK what that face shit is all about!?"

"…..I'm going to go with no," Rose said, shakily cleaning up her mess. "We'll have a talk with him later…probably about setting some…boundaries."

"More like a fifteen-foot high metal fucking fortress wall," Karkat grumbled.

* * *

In the hallway, John and Gamzee were almost falling down giggling and laughing so hard. "I THINK KARKAT STOPPED BREATHING!" John wheezed, wiping his eyes gingerly. "Oh…oh man, it was the greatest…!" He sat up straight, grinning. "PLEASE tell me you have more ideas for tomorrow!"

Gamzee grinned, ruffling his moirail's hair. "Oh, I got PLENTY of motherfuckin' ideas to make jokers outta the motherfuckin' ignorants, brother. We'll fill up th' motherfuckin' Prankster's Gambit to the motherfuckin' TOP!"

"Do tell, PLEASE!" John said, heading back to Gamzee's respiteblock. "And make it good, we only have one shot to traumatize everyone with all the fun for your birthday!"

* * *

Everyone was getting a little bit wary when they found the transportalizer for the rec room had become disabled, and it was an unfortunate Jade who was given the task of shifting through Space to see what was going on.

Jade slipped up to the rec room, looking around when she saw that it was being decorated in what could only be described as 'gothic circus'. It was honestly creeping her out. She peeked around a few things, pausing when she heard giggling coming from the other end of the room.

She scooted over, peeking around a cloth, sighing when she saw that it was John and Gamzee, who were fixing up something on one of Kanaya's mannequins.

"This is going to be just PERFECT!" John was saying, almost bouncing with excitement. "I cant wait to see the look in their—EEP!"

Gamzee growled when he saw Jade, but didn't react beyond that. She never really gave him any reason to not like her.

"….guys, what's going on?" she asked. "What IS all this? I mean, yeah, it's Gamzee's birthday, but…"

John groaned, sitting back with a pout. "Busted," he muttered. "Busted by my own Ectobiological sister! SO lame!"

Jane decided to give John a break, sitting down. "….tell me what's up, and we'll see if you're busted or not," she said.

About five minutes of explanation followed by another three of Jade laughing too hard to breathe, another player was added to Team Joker.

"Okay, what do you want me to do?" Jade asked, her green eyes sparkling with mischief.

* * *

An hour and a half later, there was STILL no sign of Jade, and everyone was starting to get ancy.

"…I'm telling you, something WRONG is going on up in there," Dirk said, chewing on his lip.

"Well, we need someone else to go in and pop back up," Vriska said. "I vote Jake."

"Go bugger yourself."

"Ooooooooh, what a mouth you have on you, Jake…"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Karkat snapped, his nerves almost shot. He was about to suggest something when the light on the transportalizer blinked on, signaling it was functional again. "….it's back online."

"...so who's going?" Everyone debated among themselves when Rose shoved everyone aside.

"You're all such wimps, and more than half of you are God Tier! Honestly…" She stepped onto the transportalizer and was zapped up to the rec room. "Everyone can be such babieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…."

She broke off when she saw what was going on up here, and even by HER standards, this was high on the creep factor.

Now, she considered herself something of a connoisseur of the dark, but something she never told ANYONE was that she had a SLIGHT fear of carnivals. Bad experience in the third grade. Weird clowns. Stuff MAY have been set on fire.

"…h…hello…?" FUCK, she DIDN'T just stutter…!

"HI ROSE!"

Rose shrieked, jumping right off the transportalizer. "FFFFFFFUCK, JOHN, DON'T DO THAT!" she shouted, trying to save face. "What the actual fuck is…" She broke off when she looked up at him.

John was grinning at her, again wearing that damn makeup, but his God Tier outfit was gone and replaced with a black long-sleeved shirt and a set of black pants with purple polka-dots that look like they came from Gamzee's own wardrobe. The overall effect was very discerning.

"It's Gamzee's birthday party!" John said. "We talked it over, and he decided he wanted a 'Dark Carnival' theme. You're the first one to show up! Are the others coming?"

"….uh…..uhm….well—" She was spared having to answer when the transportalizer brought up everyone else in a tight group, everyone looking ready for a prospective fight. Everyone's expression then ranged from confusion to terror.

"Oh great, you're all here in time for Gamzee's birthday party!" John threw his arms out as a showing of welcome. "Welcome to the Dark Carnival, everyone!"

"…oh, FUCK THIS—"

"No, don't go, Karkat, it's a party!" John slung his arm around Karkat, grinning almost manically. "Besides, it's Gamzee's birthday, and you wouldn't want to make him SAD, would you?"

It took every ounce of self-control for Karkat to not whimper. He wouldn't do it. He'd die with dignity, gogdamn it.

"Now, let's all prepare up and have some fun!" John said, heading over to a small stall-like area that had a mirror and several small cases of SOMETHING on a table.

"….PREPARE?" Dirk said, arching a brow. "Prepare HOW?" He tensed when John grabbed his hands and sat him down on a chair.

"You can go first!" John chirped, picking up one of the cases and unscrewing the lid, showing it was filled with white paint, taking up a paint brush. "Face painting for EVERYONE! Non-negotiable, per request of the birthday boy!"

"…this is how I die," Dave said, his eye twitching. "I'm going to fucking die, and in literally one of my worst nightmares." He could only stare as John started up on his alternate-bro's face white and then traced out with dark grey shapes that vaguely resembled the Rage Aspect's sign.

Karkat took the distraction to go for the transportalizer, only to find that it was disabled again. "….fuck me sideways."

John finished up with Dirk, looking around with a smile. "Who's next?" he called.

"….John, where's Jade?" Rose asked, glancing around. John shrugged, pulling up Jane.

"No idea, she's not here with you guys, so who knows? Alright, off with the glasses, Jane, I cant paint with them on…"

Most put up no real fight with the face paint thing, mostly for curiosity's sake, having figured Jade must have chickened out. Dave was almost catatonic while John painted his face, and Vriska had vehemently refused.

"You must be absolutely JOKING if you think I'm putting THAT shit on," she said. John's ever-present smile vanished into a serious scowl that made his unique face paint look that much more disturbing.

"It's Gamzee's special day, Vriska," he said, his voice going about an octave lower, sounding incredibly threatening for speaking so calmly. "And if Gamzee gets upset, anyone who MAKES him upset will deserve NONE of my help. So take off your glasses, let me put the paint on, and we can make this day happy. Or you WONT be happy."

…..to be perfectly honest, Vriska was way too freaked out to protest anymore. That was just plain frightening.

John's happy face returned as he finished her up. "Karkat! Your turn!"

"Fuck you!"

"Kaaaaaarkaaaaaaat….."

"NO!" Karkat remained sitting in the corner, facing the wall. He crossed his arms, intent on being a child about this if he had to, almost jumping a mile when he felt a familiar, strong hand on his shoulder.

"Aw, c'mon, Karbro," came the low, knives-in-your-gut voice of Gamzee. "Don't be a motherfuckin' buzzkill. Join in th' motherfuckin' fun."

Dignity gone. Karkat whimpered, not able to resist when Gamzee practically picked him up and plopped him down on the makeup chair, where John was waiting with the paint. Karkat glanced over at Gamzee, his eyes widening.

Gamzee was wearing a sleeveless purple shirt with black stripes, black pants with purple polka-dots, and black fingerless armbands that came up to his elbows, and an all-new face paint design that was more jagged around the eye and mouth area. Perfect Subjugglator garb. He tapped his lips with a finger, showing his nails had also been painted black.

"Nicely done, Johnbro. You really captured th' motherfuckin' ESSENCE of what th' day is aaaaaaaall about."

"Glad you approve," John said, sitting back. "There! Everyone here, accounted for, and ready for the Dark Carnival party!"

Karkat whimpered again.


	3. The Dancing Fools

**It's All Fun At the Carnival**

" _ **The Dancing Fools"**_

Dave was grateful he was at LEAST put on music detail again, even if everything Gamzee set out on the 'approved' list WAS the weirdo shit he listened to. Seriously, half this stuff didn't even make sense! It was just random scratchy music with no lyrics. And if it wasn't that, it was some stuff only an epileptic monkey could dance to. But he put on the music and tried not to complain.

Gamzee kicked back on a large black throne on a pedestal that had probably been alchemized earlier, looking over everything with a manic grin on his face. "I wanna see some motherfuckin' dancing goin' on!" he called out. "Everybody motherfuckin' DANCE for me!"

Most everyone looked at each other in awkward confusion. This particular track wasn't exactly something one COULD dance to… The delay had Gamzee growling loud enough to be heard over the music.

"I SAID, EVERYBODY MOTHERFUCKIN' DANCE!"

Mostly out of panic—but with some small measure of cruelty—Vriska shoved Jake out of the tight-knit group and onto the dance space in front of Gamzee's pedestal. Jake yelped, almost falling down, but he managed to right himself, almost shaking when he looked up to see Gamzee staring down at him expectantly.

"You gonna be the first t' motherfuckin' dance for me, Hopeful brother?" Gamzee asked, looking amused as he leaned his head on one hand. "Go on then. Dance for this motherfucker. Let's see you do a GOOD motherfuckin' job."

Jake bit back a whimper, feeling twice as idiotic and foolish having to dance in front of everybody, and in his God Tier outfit. All this time had YET to get him used to the speedo look. But right now, his fear of ticking Gamzee off overrode his discomfort, and he started trying to find some semblance of a beat to dance to.

Oh, how STUPID he must look right now. He could even hear Vriska giggling back in the group. Spider-faced harpy! He'd show her how well Jake English could dance, by golly!

Jake picked up the pace a little, swinging his hips side-to-side, making Dirk snort soda out of his nose.

"Whoo! Go Jake, rock that shit!" Terezi called out, not even really seeing what he was doing but figuring whatever he WAS doing to make Dirk snort soda was good enough to warrant some encouragement.

Jake's face was red, but he figured if Gamzee wasn't complaining, his pride was worth the price of not having something broken by the juggalo's displeasure.

Gamzee was honestly impressed Jake had taken to dancing. Little fucker was getting into it too. Plus, he figured he'd cut the Page some slack, considering how much bullying the spider-bitch gave him. "Nice job, motherfucker," he said, flicking his eyes to the group. "WHY THE FUCK AINT Y'ALL MOTHERFUCKIN' DANCING!? DANCE, MOTHERFUCKERS!"

Jake suddenly didn't feel the fool anymore when everyone else started dancing too. He shot Vriska a middle finger with a 'sit and swivel' look, sticking close to Gamzee's pedestal to keep her from coming too close to him.

GOG, this was humiliating, Vriska thought, doing the bare minimum with dancing. At least she wasn't as idiotic-looking as Jake, who was dancing close to Gamzee with a superior look on his face. FIRST chance she got, his face was going in the punch bowl!

Karkat was doing more foot-shuffling than dancing, praying this day would be OVER already. He was looking around, making mental note of escape routes and hiding places, his eyes settling on Gamzee up on that throne, watching them all like some king watching his fools dance. Standing next to him was John, smiling at everything like some demented cultist second-in-command.

….oh GOG. What if that's EXACTLY what this was? What if this WAS some Subjugglator initiation shit?! WHAT IF GAMZEE GOT TO JOHN AND CONVERTED HIM TO WHATEVERTHEFUCK HE CALLED HIS GOGDAMN RELIGION!? OH GOG OH FUCK OH JEGUS—

"Hi Karkat!"

Karkat TOTALLY didn't just shriek, looking up and seeing John standing next to him. When the fuck did he even MOVE!? "….hi," Karkat replied, incredibly uncomfortable right now. "…is…there any REAL reason for…ALL this?" he asked, gesturing around. John tipped his head to the side, looking curiously.

"…Of course there is," he replied, smiling in that really unnerving way. "It's Gamzee's special day. It can be a special day for EVERYONE." He reached over, holding Karkat's shoulders in his hands. "Just open up to the possibilities, brother. It'll be ALL you hoped it would be."

Karkat felt the blood drain from his face, but couldn't find any words to convey the absolute terror he was experiencing right now. John just smiled and gave his shoulders a pat before heading off to mingle around doing some weird spinny-dance moves as he did so.

Dave slipped up, nudging Karkat's shoulder. "….Hey, are you alright?" he asked, seeing the expression on Karkat's face.

"…..Dave….." Karkat's voice was almost a squeak. "….we have to get the fuck out of here."

Before Dave could reply, Gamzee stood up.

"ENOUGH MOTHERFUCKING DANCING!" he shouted, making everyone jump. "Ya'll aint gettin' into it at ALL, motherfuckers! So we're gonna make it motherfuckin' INTERESTING." He grinned, holding up a CD.

"We're gonna hold a little motherfuckin' dance contest, my brothers an' sisters. Th' motherfuckin' winner gets a VERY special prize at th' end of th' party. An' trust me, it's a motherfuckin' prize ALL you motherfuckers are gonna want." He handed the CD to John, who headed over to the stereo and slipped it in.

Dave's musical ear immediately coined this in as 'Psychedelic Acid Trance', the kind of shit that made you trip out even completely sober if you listened to it long enough. Really popular at raves…not that he would ever admit to going to one. *shifty side glance*

Gamzee sat back down. "One by one, motherfuckers, ya'll get five minutes to impress this motherfucker. Who's first?"

Cue the revenge. Jake subtly shoved Vriska forward with a foot to the ass before ducking behind Terezi. Vriska growled at the crowd behind her, vowing Revengex8 before dancing awkwardly to the beat the music had. GUH, this shut was giving her a migraine, and she SWORE she was starting to see colors that weren't there…

Gamzee stopped her two minutes in. "You're motherfuckin' OUT, spider-sister," he growled. "C'mon, this motherfucker wants some motherfuckin' ENTERTAINMENT!" He slammed his fist down on the arm of the throne. "ENTERTAIN THIS MOTHERFUCKER!"

"Man, I've seen less drama from 16-year-old rich white girls on their birthdays..." Dave muttered, watching Jane go up to try her hand at it.

One by one, everyone took their turns, the dance moves getting wilder and risqué as time went on, which everyone attributed to the music's effects. Terezi especially, who was tripping out on 'all the air-colors' and trying to lick at the air. Jake was in the zone again, having apparently won Gamzee's contest by bringing a red-faced Dirk into it, though Dirk was much less enthusiastic about it.

"Now THIS is a motherfucker who knows how to make a motherfuckin' PARTY go right!" Gamzee laughed, watching Jake half-tango, half-grind with Dirk, who looked torn between arousal and absolute humiliation by this point, which was only peaked when Dave dipped him down almost to the floor. "PRIZE TO TH' YELLOW BROTHER!"

John clapped, glad his face paint was hiding his blushing at seeing his alternate-ectobiological father so….RAUNCHY with alternate-Bro. It was still pretty impressive to see the much-shorter Jake take the lead.

Dirk stood up straight, stepping back from Jake, SO glad his God Tier pants were poofy.

Gamzee walked over and picked Jake up over his head, making the Page yelp and flail. "THIS IS A MOTHERFUCKER WHO KNOWS HOW TO MOTHERFUCKIN' PARTY!" He held Jake eye-level like someone would hold up a cat. "You're motherfuckin' ripe for th' motherfuckin' pick, yellow brother." He set Jake down.

Jake numbly walked over to the couch and sat down, wondering just what the shit THAT meant, only to cringe away when Vriska flopped onto the couch next to him, slinging her arm around his shoulders.

"Jaaaaaaaake, you didn't tell me you could dance like THAT," she purred, smirking, her eyes practically in Spades. "Looks like I found myself someone who knows how to use his hips…"

Jake was thankfully saved by Dirk, who grabbed his hand and gave Vriska a look that could melt iron. "Go take a cold shower, Spadeslut," he growled, dragging a very thankful Jake off.

John was almost giddy, whispering softly so only Gamzee could hear. "This is going GREAT!" he said. Gamzee nodded, grinning.

"Sure 'nuff is, motherfucker," he replied. "I think it's time we up th' motherfuckin' ante a little."

"Showtime?"

"Showtime."


	4. Bullseye!

**It's All Fun At the Carnival**

 _ **"Bullseye!"**_

Terezi was flopped back on a chair, giggling her ass off, still swiping at the imaginary colors. "This is the BEST PARTY EVER!" she crooned, kicking her legs. "Are there gonna be any PARTY GAMES?!"

Gamzee grinned. "Glad you motherfuckin' asked, sister," he said, standing. "In fact, I was gonna entertain all YA'LL motherfuckers, to show my motherfuckin' thanks for the dancin' you did."

Karkat looked up, not liking the sound of that at ALL. "…what…KIND of entertainment?" he asked warily. Gamzee just grinned.

"Depends, Karbro," he replied, his sharp teeth glinting in the dim light. "Which one of you motherfuckers got the bulgespace to find out?"

NO ONE, Karkat wanted to scream. NO ONE HAD THE BULGESPACE! NO ONE AT—

"WHO hasn't got the balls?!" Jake shouted, still apparently high on the music (and hormones). "I have MORE than enough balls for ANYTHING tonight!"

Gog FUCKING damn it. If Egbert's fucking Ectobiological father was ANYTHING like this asshole, then Karkat DEFINITELY saw where he got it from. Karkat resisted the urge to slam both palms to his face, mostly because he didn't want this gross paint on his hands.

Gamzee just laughed, slinging his arm around Jake, getting a hideous look from Dirk as he did so. "I like your motherfuckin' enthusiasm, my yellow brother," he purred. "You'll be th' first one, then. Johnbro, take this COURAGEOUS motherfucker to his place of honor in th' motherfuckin' games."

"Of course." John took Jake's arm, heading into another tented-off section. Dirk glowered at Gamzee.

"Where the hell is he taking him?" he demanded. Gamzee just grinned, patting Dirk almost condescendingly on the head, ignoring the human's flinch.

"Don't worry none about it, my motherfuckin' Heart brother. You'll find out." He sat back down on his throne for about another fifteen minutes before getting a signal from John. He stood up, getting everyone's attention.

"THIS WAY, MOTHERFUCKERS!" he shouted, heading into the tent. Everyone warily followed him into the tented area, which somehow looked bigger on the inside than it did on the outside, and immediately felt the cold hand of trepidation crawl over their spines.

In every corner of the tent was some kind of…device. The humans recognized a few as ones that were used in carnival shows, but the trolls thought they resembled some kind of torture devices.

Standing next to one shrouded in cloth was John, with Jake nowhere to be seen. Gamzee stood next to a table that had a cloth on it. "Alright, motherfuckers, take a seat!" he called out, waiting for everyone to sit down. "This is the first of the motherfuckin' games we'll be playin' this miraculous evening. But there are some…motherfuckin' rules I want ya'll to abide by." He grinned, running his tongue over his sharp teeth for extra creepy effects.

"None of your motherfuckers are allowed to get the fuck up. And all I wanna hear outta your motherfuckin' bulgepockets are screams an' laughs. Anything else….well…..you motherfuckers wont like what happens if you don't follow the motherfuckin' rules…" He grinned at John, who grabbed the end of the cloth and pulled.

Under the cloth was a large circular board hooked to a spinning contraption.

And on the board was Jake, who was bound to it by the wrists and ankles, a gag stuffed into his mouth.

Gamzee whipped the cloth off of the table next to him, revealing a set of wicked-looking throwing knives.

It took about .2 seconds for everyone to piece together just what was going on.

Dirk jumped to his feet, outraged. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING—" He was cut off when one of the throwing knives was hurled at him, getting stuck to the wall an inch from his face.

"Yer breakin' the motherfuckin' rules, Heartbro," Gamzee growled. "You wouldn't want me to….get my motherfuckin' DISTRACTION on with my motherfuckin' game…would you?" The implications were quite clear, and Dirk slowly sat back down, his fists clenched tightly. Gamzee grinned, gesturing toward Jake.

"As I was motherfuckin' SAYING, I'll provide you motherfuckers with this entertainment! My Hopeful brother is motherfuckin' KIND enough to display his motherfuckin' faith in my abilities to NOT gut him like a finbeast." He picked up one of the knives, deftly tossing it and catching it several times before hurling it at the board.

There was a sharp intake of air from everyone as it nailed the board with a loud THWACK a few inches from Jake's head. Jake whimpered, tugging on the bindings slightly.

Gamzee took a dramatic bow to everyone, who was staring, tensed up and ready to bolt if need be. He growled loudly, and everyone got the gist, nervous and even angry laughter bubbling up.

"Alright, Johnbro, spin that motherfucker! Let's ENTERTAIN THESE PARTYGOING MOTHERFUCKERS NOW!" Gamzee picked up another knife, grinning manically. John grabbed one end of the board and pushed hard, making it spin.

Gamzee threw another four knives, each one edging closer and closer to somewhere on Jake's person. By this point, Dirk looked ready to jump up and cleave Gamzee's head right off, but Roxy and Jane squeezed each of his hands.

Finally, Gamzee was out of knives, and everyone thought the show was over, but no. Gamzee held out his hand, and John walked over, depositing a bow into it, handing him five arrows.

"AND NOW!" Gamzee shouted, lifting the bow. "And motherfuckin' NOW…TIME FOR THE GRAND FUCKING FINALE!" He notched all five arrows onto the bow and took aim before firing.

"JAKE—!" Dirk's shout was cut off when all five arrows connected—each right above and below Jake's head, hands, and feet. Then there was stunned silence.

Vriska was actually the one to whoo and cheer, and was quickly silenced by Karkat punching her in the side.

John unstrapped Jake from the board and took the gag out of his mouth in time for Jake to double over and puke. Dirk jumped up and shoved everyone out of his way to run up to Jake, holding him up. "JAKE! Oh fuckshit, are you okay!? JAKE!"

Jake shakily looked up, wiping his mouth and smearing his makeup. "…Dirk…" he croaked out. "It….it was blooding AMAZING…!"

Dirk almost dropped him, staring. "…wha…..the FUCK are you talking about, man? That was fucking TERRIFYING, they could've KILLED you…!"

Jake shook his head, holding Dirk's shoulders tightly. "Dirk…..I SAW it…" he said, his voice oddly detached and slightly mad. "…Just like they promised…I saw….MIRACLES, Dirk…!" He let out a soft string of mad giggles. "I see the LIGHT, Dirk….it all makes SENSE now…! We were MEANT to be here…!" He broke down into giggling sobs, clinging to Dirk tightly. "I'm so….MOTHERFUCKING HAPPY…!"

Dirk glanced over at Gamzee who was patting John on the head. Gamzee glanced over at him, grinning widely before calling everyone's attention for the next set.

As Dirk was glowering at Gamzee, John snuck a glance at Jake, who was peeking up from under Dirk's arm. Jake made eye contact with John and winked with a sly grin before going back into character.

 _ **Thirty-five minutes earlier…**_

 _"John, I REALLY think this isn't such a good idea now…!"_

 _John glanced behind him before going serious. "Jake, can you keep a secret? Like, a REAL secret. One you have to REALLY play along with."_

 _NOW Jake was confused. "…what in the world is going on, John?" he demanded. "What IS all this? It's…really scary."_

 _"Yeah, yeah, I know, but listen. It's a game. It's a big prank, and if you can be TOTALLY cool about this, you can play along too."_

 _"A PRANK? All this frightening buffoonery for a PRANK?!"_

 _"Look, if you don't wanna play along, I'll transportalize you out and make up something from there. But." He held Jake's shoulders tightly, serious-faced. "If you play along, I can guarantee you that we will do everything in our power to make Vriska piss herself with fright. YOU can be a part of that, Jake."_

 _"…tell me what I have to do to make this happen, John. I NEED this to HAPPEN, JOHN."_

After explaining what Jake had to do, and insuring he was in NO danger at all (even if Gamzee WAS off on his aim, John could shift the air to make the knives and arrows fly away from Jake's body), he was completely game. John was honestly impressed with what fantastic acting Jake was pulling off. Boy, he just had the greatest prank team in the universe! He gave Jake a wink back before heading over to join Gamzee in the NEXT part of the games.


	5. Alternian Roulette

**It's All Fun at the Carnival!**

 _ **"Alternian Roulette"**_

Gamzee had everyone sit down around a large circular table with wedges alternating between red and black with shot glasses at the end of every wedge, twice as many as there were people. He sat himself down at the head of the table, with John on one side and Jake on the other, grinning at everyone. "This game, I know ALL you motherfuckers are going to enjoy," he said, leaning back. "In front of you all are glasses filled with miraculous motherfuckin' elixir. Sweet, bubbly elixir. Nothin' out of the motherfuckin' ordinary."

"…waiting for the other fucking shoe to fall, Gamzee, so PLEASE, don't keep us waiting in suspense," Vriska grumbled, eyeing her glass dubiously. Gamzee just gave her a grin.

"Of course, spider-bitchsister," Gamzee replied. "In one of these glasses of motherfuckin' miracles is a splash of some glorious motherfuckin' wicked POISON."

"….you're absolutely CRACKED if you think we're risking drinking POISON, you fucking—"

"Aw nah, it aint like that, Heartbro," Gamzee cut in, grinning at Dirk. "Just some motherfuckin' synthynique, is all…"

"Where the HELL did you manage to get SYNTHYNIQUE!?" Kanaya demanded, her eyes flicking to all the shot glasses on the table.

"Don't worry your motherfuckin' thinkpan about it, sister," Gamzee said, waving his hand.

"…What's synthynique?" Rose whispered to Kanaya, who sat back swallowing hard.

"…I think the closest I can compare it to is your acid," Kanaya replied. "It's a small portion of sopor slime's make-up, and that's why you don't EAT it. It's not LETHAL, but…it really messes you up for a LONG time…and if he's not bluffing, there's a straight shot of it in one of these glasses."

"….I don't want to play anymore," Jane said, making a move to get up. Gamzee drummed his sharpened claws on the table.

"Fine," he said. "Motherfuckin' quit on me. Motherfuckin' quit on EVERYBODY, my MIRACULOUS SISTER OF LIFE. Keep your motherfuckin' head in the ground, never lookin' up at the motherfuckin' SKY to OPEN your MOTHERFUCKIN' MIND!"

"You should really stay and play, Jane," Jake said from Gamzee's left, his expression almost dazed and tone pleading. "Really…you'll feel the MIRACLES if you just TRY."

That was just creepy and pleading enough for Jane to stay put, if anything to not have Jake stay behind and possibly go completely fucking insane from all this.

"THAT'S a motherfucker getting' his motherfuckin' awareness on," Gamzee said, patting Jake's head. "Now, let's get started then." He grabbed the edge of the table and spun it, the glasses getting shuffled around to everyone until it stopped. "Who wants to motherfuckin' go first?"

"Birthday boy first," Dirk growled, his hands flexing into his pants.

"Don't mind if I motherfuckin' do, Heartbro." Gamzee picked up the shot glass that was closest to him and knocked it back, smirking. "Wicked elixir." He spun the table again. "Who's next?"

The game went around the table from his right, with John taking the next shot, and Terezi taking hers. She seemed almost disappointed that she didn't get the 'wicked poison'. It made a full circle back to Gamzee without anyone getting the synthynique, and half of everyone else was either relieved that maybe it was a big mind game with the other half getting more and more nervous.

Gamzee kept spinning the table until it stopped on Vriska's turn, and she was on Team Gamzee's-Full-Of-Shit. She grabbed the shot glass and knocked it back, scowling. "Your mind games wont work on me, you idiot clown," she scoffed. "Or have you FORGOTTON who the QUEEN of mind games is?"

"Nah, spider-bitch, I didn't motherfuckin' forget," Gamzee said, his grin broadening. "That's why this motherfucker don't play the wicked mind games."

Vriska scowled, shaking her head when she found she couldn't focus her eyes on him…it was like his body was turning into smoke and expanding, then coming back together, only to sprout black tentacles like a Horrorterror.

"Game fucking over, spiderbitch."

It only took about fifteen more seconds before Vriska began losing her goddamn mind, falling back in her chair and diving under a table, screaming about Horrorterrors, fanged vampire clowns, and spidery unicorns. Everyone else stared at her, some with pity, some with outrage on her behalf, then everyone looked up when they heard insane, manic laughter.

But it wasn't Gamzee.

It was Jake.

Jake was almost doubled over in laughter that would make a Bond villain jealous. "MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS, WHAT A MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLE!" he screeched before laughing harder.

It took everything John and Gamzee had not to break character, so they went with the next best thing and joined in the laughter, though as convincing and menacing it was, they couldn't reach the sheer sadistic pleasure of Jake's tone.

"…..Karkat, I'm fucking scared," Dave said, his hand clenching into Karkat's sleeve. "We're going to fucking die here."

"….we just might, Dave. Just want you to know. You're the best fucking moirail I ever had. And that makeup makes your face look so fucking stupid."

"Yours looks stupider, you fuck."

Both of them started laughing, mostly from nerves and the prospect of dying in a stupid-ass place like this. It took quite a bit of effort to not cry. They both then jumped and almost screamed when Gamzee draped his arms over their shoulders, grinning widely.

"That's what I like to motherfuckin' see," he said. "Two motherfuckin' bros laughin' and havin' the most wicked fun on this glorious of days." He ruffled their hair, his claws flexing into their scalps. "My brothers, wont you join to get some motherfuckin' refreshments? I need to get my motherfuckin' SNACK on." Without waiting for them to accept or decline, he led them by the heads over to a large snack table, which was already being picked over by Terezi.

He let go of their heads, picking up a gummy-bug and biting into it, tearing it in half with his teeth. "So," he said, chewing on it, "how you motherfuckers likin' my MIRACULOUS motherfuckin' wigglin' day?"

Karkat grimaced, having never liked the texture of gummy candies and finding them revolting. "Fucking great," he replied. "Peachy fucking keen. In fact, I'm having TOO much fun. I should REALLY leave before I use up my fucking fun quota for the whole gogdamn sweep." He made a move to leave, then yelped when Gamzee picked him up and PUT HIM ON HIS FUCKING KNEE WHAT THE FU-

"You're too motherfuckin' funny, Karbro!" Gamzee laughed. "About motherfuckin' TIME you got yourself a sense of humor, my punchline blooded motherfucker." He ruffled Karkat's head, growling softly. "It's a good motherfuckin' look for you."

Wow. This was getting INCREDIBLY uncomfortable. Karkat sent Dave a 'FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY HELP ME!' look.

"YEAH!" Dave said, pulling Karkat off of Gamzee's lap and patting his head with a bit more force than necessary. "It REALLY is, Gamzee. Karkat's been working on it, it REALLY shows, doesnt it?" More paps, trying to quell the panic attack he KNEW Karkat was about to have before it started. He picked up a chocolate lava cake and shoved it into Karkat's mouth. "But yeah, he gets worn out if he uses it too much, the little dickens."

Karkat grumbled something that sounded like 'FUCK YOU' around the cake, but chewed on it anyway, hoping the sugar would take the edge off. Gamzee just grinned.

"Karbro's gonna NEED that blossomin' motherfuckin' sense of humor," he said, picking up an over-sized red Wild Cherry Apeshit Apocalypse-flavored gusher and biting into it, the overly-sweet candy-red juice dripping out of it and down his chin. "Things 'bout to get REEEEEEEEAL motherfuckin' FUN up in here." He grinned, the red sticking to his teeth and dripping more juice out of his mouth.

Dave barely caught Karkat before the troll fainted onto the floor.


	6. Getting Freaky in the Funhouse

**It's All Fun at the Carnival!**

 _ **"Getting Freaky in the Funhouse"**_

Gamzee put the next activity on hold to allow Karkat to come to. It took quite a bit of time, with Dave and Kanaya fretting over him like mother hens. Gamzee remained pretty much blameless, since Dave couldn't exactly say 'he was being too creepy for Karkat to handle'. Which actually WAS the case, but considering Karkat's blood pressure history…

It actually gave John just the time he needed to make sure the next activity was set up and perfect, the ideal climax to the grandest of schemes. He managed to get Jake away from Dirk just long enough to give him some details, glad the Page was on his side to make it even better.

Karkat began to come to, and John shooed Jake away to get into character, heading over to the group, where Dave was arguing with Gamzee.

"—he doesn't NEED anymore of this shit!" Dave was insisting. "You cant MAKE him keep this fuckery up! I don't care if it IS your goddamn birthday—" He cut off when Gamzee slung an arm around his shoulders and stepped away from the group, keeping his voice conspiringly low.

"Lemme tell ya a little somethin', my scrawny motherfucker," Gamzee said, his voice a deceptively soft baritone. "For the past motherfuckin' sweep, I've been put on th' motherfuckin' back burner, made t' look around and see you happy motherfuckers frolic around, fillin' Quadrants, what have you." His hand tightened around Dave's arm, his claws almost piercing the cloth.

"Once upon a motherfuckin' time, Karbro was supposed to be MY motherfuckin' moirail. But then some God Tier motherfucker came in an' took that away from me. So lemme tell you this, MOTHERFUCKER." Dave hissed when the claws did indeed pierce through his shirt and into his arm. "…You gutterbloods OWE me this for a motherfuckin' SWEEP of this dark shit." He lightened up, patting Dave's shoulder almost friendly-like. "Besides, my motherfuckin' moirail spent SO much motherfuckin' time settin' this shit up! You wouldn't want to upset HIM, would ya?" His voice dipped back down in pitch. "I KNOW I WOULDN'T WANT HIM TO BE MOTHERFUCKIN' UPSET. Y'dig, brother?"

Dave could only give him a shaky nod. It was one thing for Gamzee to be a psychopathic murderer whose temper was on a hair-trigger…it was another for said psychopathic murderer to have a personal grudge.

Gamzee beamed, patting his head. "There's a good motherfucker. Now, let's go have some motherfuckin' FUN!" He steered Dave back to the group and practically dropped him on the couch next to Karkat.

Karkat looked up when Dave was plopped unceremoniously down next to him. "…Hey, you alright?" he asked, nudging Dave. Dave just nodded and gave Karkat a pap on the back.

"…Yeah. Let's…just get through the rest of this day without losing our heads," he replied. Karkat frowned, but just accepted the back-pap.

"…Right." He stood up, walking with Dave over to the rest of the group, who was situated next to an exit area blocked off by a curtain.

John stood in front of the curtain, that weird-ass manic smile back on his face. "This is the BEST part of the party!" he said, bouncing on the balls of his feet in excitement. "Because what's all this fun without a little harmless scaring, right?" He beamed at Gamzee, who took over from there.

"Behind this motherfuckin' curtain is a miraculous set of twists an' turns, affectionately known as…the FUNHOUSE."

Dirk heard Rose whimper next to him.

"Nothin' TOO frightenin' or deadly inside, just mostly some motherfuckin' FUN," Gamzee continued. "An' at th' end of th' Funhouse is a BIG motherfuckin' TREAT for everyone, signalin' the end of a most GLORIOUS motherfuckin' day."

Just the prospect of the day almost over perked everyone up, and made them all the more eager to just go in and get it over with.

"NOOOOOOOO!" came Vriska's screaming as Terezi tried to drag her out from under the table and over to the entrance to the Funhouse. "NOT IN THERE! FUCK! WE'LL DIE! WE'LL ALL FUCKING DIE!" She flailed around, screaming louder at seeing Gamzee. "HE'S GOING TO EAT OUR SOULS AND DRINK OUR LIQUIFIED ORGANS! "

"Um…ew, Vriska, "John said. "Seriously. Anyway, who wants to go in first?"

"OOOH, ME!" Jake shouted, rushing up. Dirk hurried after him, holding his arm.

"NOT without me," he said firmly, scowling at John as though to DARE him to contradict him. John just smiled and nodded.

"Perfect! We can all go in pairs! I call Gamzee!" He grabbed Gamzee's arm, waiting for everyone to pair off before having everyone walk in, pair by pair.

Dirk walked in first with Jake, the light from outside immediately being cut off, feeling an ice-cold grip on his guts as he looked around. Everything was dark and narrow, the only light seeming to be the black-lit images of the Rage Aspect, arrows pointing here and there, and ominous-looking paint splatters.

…..GOD, he hoped it was just paint…

"Come on, Dirk!" Jake said, sounding chipper as ever, heading further in. "Let's go this way! Isnt this exciting? A REAL adventure!" He chuckled, his voice dipping an octave lower. "A REAL motherfuckin' adventure."

Dirk swallowed hard, clenching his eyes shut, shaking. After everything he'd experienced, this was still scaring him even more. He didn't even know if it was some latent claustrophobia, or the fact that Jake seemed to be cracking the fuck out like John was. Maybe it was both. Probably definitely both.

"…Jake?" he said, jumping when he heard some creaking around the corner. "…Jake, please tell me you're not…..I mean…..just tell me you're not joining that fucking clown in all this." Silence. "…Jake?" He looked around.

Jake had vanished.

"JAKE!"

* * *

Karkat was clinging to Dave like a lifeline as he walked down a corner, his eyes flicking to every corner and corridor. "…gonna die, gonna die, we're gonna fucking die… !"

"Karkat, shoosh," Dave said, patting Karkat's head, his free hand clenched around his sword. Stupid fucking scare-game or not, he was NOT going through this unarmed. "It's alright, Karkat, it's alright—JEEZUS FUCKING SHEEPSHIT—"

"WHAT!? WHAT WAS IT!?" Karkat screamed, immediately summoning his sickles into his hands. Dave was staring down a dark corridor that had a dim, flickering light illuminating a black figure at the very end. "…D…Dave…."

"Oh god oh god oh god oh god…" Dave was muttering to himself, his sword hand shaking. "….I…seriously fucking hope to GOD that's just a stupid prop…"

"WHO THE FUCK CARES!?" Karkat grabbed Dave's arm and bolted down the corridor. Only a fucking idiot would stay to see if it was real.

* * *

Kanaya's rainbow drinker's glow gave Rose a much-needed source of comfort, as she was REALLY starting to freak out in this place. "I fucking hate carnivals, I fucking hate carnivals, I fucking HATE carnivals…!" She hugged Kanaya's arm tightly, chewing her lip hard.

"It'll be alright, Rose," Kanaya said. "It's nothing but light tricks, that's all." She gave Rose a brave smile. "If this is anything more than that, I'll saw it in half."

Rose faintly smiled back, feeling a LITTLE bit better knowing Kanaya's reflexes were second to none when she was on edge. They walked in silence until a loud scream from the distance almost had Rose jumping into Kanaya's arms. "FUCK—"

"…That was Karkat!" Kanaya cried, scooping Rose up and bolting down the corridors. "KARKAT! KARKAT, WHERE ARE YOU!?"

* * *

Jane wasn't really all that comforted that she was in a three-pair with Terezi and Vriska. Terezi was blind and only managed to take them down the halls that had the freakiest of black-lit paintings, and Vriska kept bursting into tears and wailing on about their imminent deaths. "…I think I would have preferred to go with John and Gamzee," she muttered, jumping for the umpteenth time when Vriska screamed at yet ANOTHER shadow.

Terezi stooped to pick Vriska up from the floor where she dropped. "Vriska, you really need to calm down," she said. "Sober up, will you? You should've worked that shit out of your system by now!"

Vriska just clung to Terezi, cobalt tears pouring from her eyes. "T…Terezi…!" she stammered, her eyes flicking here and there, alternating between dilating and contracting to add to her already-fucked view on everything. "….He's here…..he's here Terezi….WATCHING us….!" She buried her face into Terezi's shirt.

Jane gave Terezi a sympathetic look and helped her tug Vriska up. "There's no one watching us, Vriska," she said. "You're just still working out that drug. Just close your eyes, alright? We'll walk this through with you."

"No…..watching…..w…WATCHING…!" Vriska lifted a hand and pointed to a wall up ahead. Jane followed the line of pointing, then paled.

Painted on the wall in front of them was a huge eye with the words _**I'M WATCHING YOU**_ painted above and below it.

"….okay, he's just fucking with you, Vriska. Remember, queen of mind games. He cant get to you if you don't let him."

Vriska just wailed louder, letting the other two girls drag her down another hall.

* * *

Roxy had decided to go it alone, mostly so no one would call her out on what a wimp she was with this sort of thing. She jumped at every small noise, chewing her lip hard, trying her damnedest not to Void out of there.

"Psst!"

She shrieked, jumping when she heard someone whisper at her from a dark-it corridor, shaking hard. "…h…hello…?" she stammered, not coming any closer.

"Roxy," came the voice again. "It's me."

"…Jade?"

* * *

Dirk ran through the corridors, calling out for Jake, who was nowhere to be seen. Was it just him, or were the halls getting narrower? FUCK, this shit was TOO fucked up! He turned a corner and ran smack into someone, who screamed loud enough to make his ears ring.

Dave JUST barely managed to keep from stabbing Dirk in the face after running into Karkat, who was practically curled up in a corner, trying to not let his blood-pusher explode. "FUCK," Dave said, almost collapsing from relief. "It's just you…"

"…Please…" Dirk said, the pleading almost startling Dave. "…PLEASE tell me you've seen Jake…!" At Dave's headshake, he punched the wall. "GOD DAMN IT! He just…..fucking VANISHED into this fuckhouse! I cant find him ANYWHERE!" He turned around so the others wouldn't see him wiping sweat from his eyes. It was TOTALLY sweat, goddamn it!

Karkat sat in the corner, hugging his legs, trying to stop his shaking, his ears flicking slightly when he heard something. "Shut up," he whispered harshly.

"…Karkat, wha—"

"SHUT UP!" Karkat shout-whispered, craning his head to hear again. There was silence for a few long seconds…

 _*hooooooooonk*_

Karkat felt the blood rush out of his face. "Ohhhh….myyyy….fuuuuck…." he whimpered. "No no no no no no nonononononononono….!"

"Karkat, calm down!" Dave said, hugging him. "Calm down, please…!" He turned to Dirk. "Dirk, help me out here, we need to just get the fuck out of this stupid place before he has a heart attack!"

Dirk stood up and helped Dave pick Karkat up, heading down the corridor. "Was that a fucking HONK…?"

"Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god…" Karkat muttered, not even indulging in his deity-quirk. He shrieked when there was a louder *honk* around back where they came from. "FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" He broke away from Dirk and Dave, bolting down the corridor.

"KARKAT!" Dave shouted, running after him with Dirk in tow. He followed Karkat's screaming until it was faint, skidding to a halt when he found a three-way corridor system. "KARKAT! FUCK! KARKAT!"

* * *

Kanaya and Rose ran down a corridor and found themselves in a maze of mirrors, and navigating through proved to be one big tangle, since they couldn't find their way back out. Rose did the tried-and-true method of following the wall to her left, but it just ended up in a circle.

"I FUCKING HATE CARNIVALS!" she screamed after coming to the center for the third time, leaning against a mirror, mentally exhausted by this point. Kanaya scowled, revving up her chainsaw.

"Then we shatter them all until it shows us the way out," she replied, turning to a mirror and jumping back when she saw something else in the reflection behind her. She whipped around to see…nothing. "…Rose, did you see….?"

"….Kanaya?" Rose murmured, her eyes not leaving a mirror that was holding the reflection of what looked like Jade's back. "…Jade? Is that you?"

The reflection slowly turned around, and Rose let out a piercing scream when she saw the image of Jade bleeding out of every orifice on her head. She summoned up her wands on reflex and started blasting every mirror she could find.

Kanaya deflected back the shards of glass that were flying everywhere until Rose was finished shattering every mirror in the room, panting hard and looking close to passing out. "Rose!" She hugged her matesprit tightly. "Rose, what was it?"

"…I…..I just…Jade….she….!" Rose buried her face in Kanaya's shoulder, shaking harder. Kanaya papped her head quietly, looking up when she saw a doorway up ahead.

"…..I see an exit, Rose," she said. "Let's go." She picked Rose up and headed do the doorway.

* * *

Jane kept her hand over Vriska's eyes, which seemed to calm her down a little, looking around quietly, glad there hadn't been any jumpscares, just creepy imagery and odd sound effects here and there.

Terezi was starting to get a bit creeped out herself. The pictures on the wall were becoming fewer and fewer, and she was actually starting to feel legitimately blind for the first time in this place. She tapped her cane around some corners, listening and smelling out for anything unusual, pausing when she heard something…

Vriska started screaming again, jerking around in Jane's hold. "HE'S COMING!" she screamed. "I CAN HEAR HIM! I CAN HEAR HIM!"

Jane tried to calm Vriska down, getting freaked out when she could hear something too…it almost sounded like…honking?

"…I smell Faygo, cake, and face paint," Terezi said. Jane sighed.

"Terezi, you're WEARING face paint, and I can literally see that Faygo bottle and lava cake in your pocket. Please, both of you, let's just calm down and get through this so we can get Vriska to bed." She dragged Vriska further down some halls before turning and coming into a wide open space that was decked out in party decorations, a table with sweets and drinks on it, and a cake pedestal with a Tim Burton-esque cake on it.

"…Oh, is this it? Is this the end?" Jane said, leading Vriska over to a chair and sitting her down. "…Looks like we're the first ones here."

Terezi sniffed around the snack table, SO glad to be smelling some colors again, picking up a bottle of Faygo and looking up to see Kanaya walking in carrying Rose. "Oh hey, you made it too!" she said, waving.

Kanaya was looking around incredulously, like she was expecting something OTHER than a party at the end of the tunnel. Rose looked even worse off, looking like she REALLY wanted to take drinking back up just to blank this out from her memory forever. "…You MUST be joking," Kanaya said, sitting down hard. "ALL that terror for THIS?"

"WHAT terror?" Terezi said, chewing on another lava cake. "Sure, it was creepy as all get-out, but not TERRIFYING."

"What do you mean—" Kanaya broke off when she heard screaming coming from another exit point, jumping up with her chainsaw at the ready and almost dropping it with relief when she saw that it was Karkat running in. Karkat tripped over a stray horn on the floor and would have face-planeted right into the drink table if Kanaya hadn't caught him.

Karkat began blubbering incoherently, clinging to Kanaya with red tears streaming down his face. She did her best to try to calm him down, looking relieved when Dirk and Jake came running in, looking terrified.

"KARKAT!" Dave shouted, hurrying over and hugging him—and in facto Kanaya, but he didn't care. He was just so fucking happy to be out of that fucking terror with Karkat safe.

Dirk collapsed into a chair, burying his hands into his hair, staring at the floor as he tried to gather his thoughts. Jane walked over, patting his back. "…You alright?" she asked. "…where's Jake?"

"…I….." Dirk's voice cracked slightly. "…I don't fucking know…he just….fucking VANISHED in that shit…! I don't know where he is…!"

"He'll turn up, Dirk," Jane replied. "We're all coming in now, so it's almost over."

"I swear to GOD, I'm going to punch that fucker in his clown-hole until he loses all purpose for breeding for this," Dirk hissed, his nerves shot to fuck and back, refusing to be comforted by Jane until he saw Jake safe and sound.

Since notably John, Jake, and Gamzee were still missing, the rest of the group picked around the snack table and made light conversation, if any, as they waited for them to show up. After about twenty minutes, the lights suddenly changed from regular white to a bright black-light, making everyone jump.

Footsteps in one corner made everyone turn to the source, seeing Gamzee practically swagger up and take a seat back on the birthday throne, the black-light effect making his face paint stand out. "Ya'll made it the motherfuck out," he said, sounding almost proud. "Congratu-motherfuckin'-lations, my brothers and sisters. Now we can finally wrap this motherfucker up."

"Where's Jake?" Dirk demanded. "What did you do with h…" he broke off as two figures emerged from the shadows behind Gamzee's throne, one being John, and the other, with God Tier outfit gone and replaced with one similar to John's, was Jake, whose make up had been redone to look like John's as well. The pair almost looked like twins standing on either side of Gamzee, only furthering the absolute creep factor.

"Why, my Hopeful motherfuckin' brother is right here," Gamzee said, patting Jake on the head. "Been here AAAAAAAAAAALL a'motherfuckin'long. Motherfucker opened up his MIND, my bleedin' Heart brother. An' you can too."

"You really should try it, Dirk," Jake said darkly, a wide grin on his face that distorted the makeup's effects. "You'll love it. I never knew how MOTHERFUCKING LIBERATING it is for me!"

"You too, Karkat," John spoke up, his voice almost scarily chipper. "You and Dave will LOVE IT! I just KNOW you will!"

Karkat shook his head, swallowing hard. "You're not making any fucking sense!" he shouted, though it came out as more of a tired eupnoea from all the screaming he did. "Please….please, Gamzee, I just want it all to end!"

"…All to end, my brother?" Gamzee said softly, drumming his claws on the arm of his throne. "Is that what you REALLY want, motherfucker?"

"YES!" Karkat shouted, this time with more zeal. "I WANT IT TO END!"

Gamzee looked around at everyone, who looked just as mentally exhausted as Karkat. "…Alright then, motherfuckers," he said, sounding disappointed. "We'll motherfuckin' end it ALL."

Nobody liked how he said it, or how disturbing John and Jake's grins had just become.


	7. Dont Drink the Kool-Aid

**It's All Fun at the Carnival!**

 _ **"Don't Drink the Kool-Aid"**_

Everyone jumped when the exits that lead to the room had doors that suddenly slammed shut, trapping them all in the party room. Gamzee's dark chuckling put everyone's hair on end as he sat back in his throne, Jake and John grinning at one another.

"A motherfuckin' PITY you blinded motherfuckers wont see the MIRACULOUS light," he said. "That you wont see the motherfuckin' TRUTH about the HIGH MOTHERFUCKIN' SUBJUGGLATORS! But I aint mad. Nahhh, not a bit. I've already got TWO motherfuckin' converts to th' motherfuckin' truth…and together, WE'LL BE THE ONES TO MAKE IT TO THE MOTHERFUCKIN' DARK CARNIVAL!

"But first," he continued, grinning widely, patting Jake and John's heads, "my motherfuckin' converts need to complete their motherfuckin' initiation."

Rose burst into tears, having a nervous breakdown. Kanaya debated between holding her matesprit tightly and sawing the gogdamn grinning clown in half, but was spared having to do ANYTHING out of shock alone when out of the shadows came two more figures, feeling her jaw drop.

Jade and Roxy came out from behind Gamzee's throne, wearing identical black hooded dresses with black blindfolds tied over their eyes that did nothing to hide the red smears that stained it, and most disturbingly, it looked as though their mouths had been stitched closed. Jade was holding a large glass bowl filled with bright red liquid and Roxy was holding a small bottle.

"Some motherfuckers just aint cut out for it," Gamzee said, tenting his fingertips. "My poor motherfuckin' sisters here just couldn't STAND to motherfuckin' see the wicked truth…and so, now they can never motherfuckin' speak of it."

Karkat collapsed on the floor, shaking violently. This wasn't happening, he thought. This just couldn't be fucking happening. Not like this! He felt bile rise up in his gullet, putting a hand over his mouth to keep it down. He could only watch, horrified, as Roxy unscrewed what was in the bottle and poured it into the bowl Jade was holding. Jade then took the bowl over and set it down on the drink table before walking back over to the horror group.

"A toast!" John said, raising a bottle of Faygo. "To our man of the hour, Gamzee Makara, the Grand Highbrother of the Subjugglators! Everyone, grab a cup, and let's raise it to the birthday boy!"

No one moved.

"GRAB A MOTHERFUCKING CUP AND GET SOME MOTHERFUCKNIG PUNCH!" Jake shouted, startling everyone. "RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!"

"You wouldn't want to UPSET the birthday boy…would you?" John summoned up the Warhammer of Zillyhoo, deftly twirling it around.

Dave kept close by Karkat, clenching his hand around his sword. "I aint a goddamn idiot, I KNOW what happens when people drink the fucking Kool-Aid at this shit!" he growled. "Is THAT the end of your goddamn birthday party, you chucklefuck?! KILLING all of us!? WELL NO FUCKING WAY!" He jumped up, sword raised.

John stepped in front of Gamzee, holding up the Warhammer. "Dave," he said, his voice less jovial and more serious. "Put the sword down. I REALLY don't want to fight you."

"I wouldn't wanna fight me either, John!" Dave growled back. "But you bet your ass I'm gonna fucking FIGHT! _If magic is all we've ever known then it's easy to miss what really goes on_ —"

"DAVE, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" John shrieked.

 _"But I've seen miracles in every way, and I see miracles everyday—"_

 _ **THWACK**_

Dave went flying as John hit him hard with the Warhammer, crashing to the ground. Karkat screamed, grabbing his sickles and racing for John.

 _ **BLAM BLAM**_

His sickles went flying from his hands, and everyone looked up to see Jake standing behind John with both his pistols raised.

"LAND SAKES ALIVE, KARKAT, CONTROL YOURSELF!" he shouted, sounding MUCH more like his usual self. He held down the proverbial fort while John hurried over to Gamzee and quickly shooshpapped the troll into letting go of his clubs. "…I haven't had to quick-draw for so long, Jeezus…"

Karkat hurried over to Dave, who was KOed but alive, silently about to completely lose his shit at any moment. He glanced up at Gamzee, minutely wondering if begging for mercy was an option, frowning when he saw that Gamzee appeared to be trying to calm JOHN down.

Gamzee papped John's head, smiling. "I'm fine, brother-moirail," he said. "It was motherfuckin' fun while it lasted." He ruffled John's hair and stood up, stretching. "Alright, my motherfuckin' comrades, show's over!"

"Awww, how LAME!" Everyone stared at Jade, who was peeling off a sutured makeup effect from her mouth, taking off her blindfold, showing her eyes were fine and unharmed. She Spaced her clothes back to her God Tier outfit and fished her glasses out of her pocket and put them on. "And just when we were getting to the good part too…"

Roxy did the same with her Void powers. "It was pretty much done when John cold-cocked Dave with the Warhammer," she replied, then turned to Jake. "Nice shooting, though."

Jake gun-spun his pistols back into the syllabus. "Everyone makes jokes of the gun enthusiast until they blast the whiskers off an ant," he replied. "But really, it's no—eep—"

Dirk grabbed Jake's shoulders and proceeded to shake the shit out of him. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, JAKE!?" he shouted. "WHAT…THE…EVER…LOVING…FUCK!?" He was hyperventilating and almost crushing Jake's arms in his grip. Jake winced, reaching up best he could to grab Dirk's hands to try to ease up on the grip.

"Dirk, you're crushing my arms!" he yelped. "Calm down, will you, and we'll tell you what's going on—"

"DO NOT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, JAKE ENGLISH!"

"DIRK, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP SHAKING ME—"

Dirk then found himself lifted and physically parted from Jake by Gamzee, who was holding them both up like naughty kittens. "Heartbro. Chillax." He sat Dirk on a chair. "Slam a Faygo, brother, you look 'bout ready to motherfuckin' faint on us."

That didn't seem to calm Dirk down that much.

Karkat wasn't faring that much better, practically smothering Dave with protective moirail-cuddles and growling like a pissed off cat. He didn't even let Kanaya near to take a look at Dave. So he definitely didn't appreciate John coming near. He growled louder, practically raising his hackles as John inched up and sat down in front of him.

"…Karkat. I need you to please calm down. I didn't mean to hurt Dave." He subtly let out a calming breeze, which didn't do all that much except make the red in Karkat's eyes fade to a lighter orange. "If you calm down, I promise I'll explain." ….On second thought, maybe doing some calming down in this makeup and outfit wasn't a great idea.

"….Just do me a favor, Karkat," he continued, trying another tactic. "…Look over there at Gamzee real quick. Tell me what you see."

Karkat narrowed his eyes at John, weighing in like this was a trick of some sort, then flicked his eyes over toward Gamzee.

Gamzee was over by the drink table with a Faygo, grinning at the loud praise Terezi was giving him at 'THE GREATEST PARTY LIKE EVER'. He then sheepishly accepted the berating Rose was giving him before fist-bumping Roxy, who was giving her thanks in being part of such an awesome prank.

"…Things are different now, Karkat. He's not that maniac anymore. All he needed was someone to help reel him in and integrate him into being one of the group. If you stop being afraid of him, he's not so bad. Just think about that." He papped Karkat's head. And was then promptly bitten on the hand. "…ow."

After getting his hand back, John walked over to the rest of the group, mentally preparing himself for explanations all around.


	8. Curtain Call

**It's All Fun at the Carnival!**

 _ **"Curtain Call"**_

Karkat kept his distance from John and Gamzee for a good while after that party, mostly out of anger that it had all been one big elaborate prank.

A PRANK. There was nothing PRANK-LIKE about blatantly reliving in his worst nightmares. After hearing the explanation, he had to be physically held back by Dave to keep from bashing some stupid prankster's brains in. So he allowed himself to not be anywhere near them until he calmed down enough to not fly off the gogdamn handle at the sight of them.

Turns out, it was taking a REALLY long time.

A week later, in fact, Karkat was still stinging over the whole party, even though most everyone else had gotten over it, and were even commenting over how well done and elaborate it was.

It made Karkat ANGRY. Just…..GOG, so fucking ANGRY.

He was rummaging around in the nutritionblock for something to eat, looking up when he heard someone transportalize in, tensing when he saw that someone was John and Gamzee.

Gamzee was carrying a large stack of dishware, and John was lecturing him over how unhygienic it was to hoard them in his respiteblock, going quiet when they saw Karkat.

Attempt Awkward and Highly Uncomfortable Showdown X 3.

"Uhhh…..I'mma….go put these motherfuckers in th' washer," Gamzee said, slipping over to another section of the block. Through Karkat's dull sting of anger, he couldn't help but feel a swell of astonishment. ….Did Gamzee just show some fucking TACT…?

John shuffled his feet a little. "…Hey," he said, rocking back on his heels. "…How's it going?"

Karkat's jaw tightened as he took out a bottle of water. "…Fine," he replied tersely. "…If you're done hogging the transportalizer, I'm going away now—"

"Karkat, can we talk?"

The firm seriousness in John's voice was the only thing that made Karkat pause and seriously consider it. His hands flexed around the bottle for a few moments before letting out a growling, heavy sigh. "…You've got five minutes," he said, leaning against the wall.

"It's going to take more than five, believe me," John replied, doing the same against a counter. "But you've got to hear me out."

"Fine," Karkat said. "DAZZLE me, Egbert." He took a drink from the bottle.

John was quiet for a few moments before speaking up, keeping his voice low. "…You know, you guys don't know anything about Gamzee at all. Nothing REALLY important, to be honest. Especially about his beliefs. That whole prank we pulled? It was a big, fat, double-joke on YOU guys. Because I've asked around at anyone who wasn't a part the prank, and not one of them thought it was a joke." He let out a soft, humorless laugh. "…You guys…you guys took it all SO freaking seriously…"

"Can you fucking blame us, John?" Karkat growled. "After all he's done—"

"What he did was pretty much the result of YEARS of repressed Highblood psychosis coming out all at once. Psychosis that was quelled when YOU shooshpapped him down from it, if I'm getting the facts straight." John crossed his arms, giving Karkat a surprisingly steely look. "But did you take steps to insure he was cared for, since you were Pale for Dave? No. Did Vriska, Miss Leader-Bitch, take steps to find him a moirail, or a matesprit, or SOMETHING? NO. The only reason he hasn't been any more of a problem for you guys is because he's been beaten back and put in a constant state of fear. And that shit can backfire REALLY badly.

"I mean, god DAMN it, Karkat, has anyone ever really sat and TALKED with him? Ever heard what he had to say? He's damaged, Karkat. Damaged in ways I don't think can ever be fully put back together, though I try my best to do what I can. I didn't even think I was his moirail, but now…what I'm doing is what only a moirail CAN do." He paused, taking off his glasses and cleaning the lens with his hood.

"…Most of the actual pranks were my idea, but the overall theme and morals were Gamzee's. See…we wanted to show you guys that the fear you all felt was just fear you made up in your heads. None of you would just settle down and think of it as just an act. Except maybe Terezi, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have cared as long as it was weird and fun. But knowing what _I_ know, I can appreciate the absolute GENIUS that went into Gamzee's thought process with all this."

John paused to fetch a drink of his own.

"You know what the Mirthful Messiahs are? They're BALANCE. A benevolent god, and a malevolent one. And Subjugglators strive their whole lives to live in perfect balance between the two. Only, history is kind of on the 'malevolent' side. But seriously, if it wasn't for the Subjugglators, the Sea-Dwellers would have taken over everything on land. It's….kinda like community service or something, even to the Low-Bloods.

"Gamzee's pretty much the only one left now though. And…he's still figuring things out about everything…trying to do it his own way. And in the fight that's to come, I think he can be a real homicidal Bard of Rage while still sticking up for us and protecting us." John grinned. "It never hurts to have a wild joker in your deck."

Karkat rubbed his arm, scowling as he mulled it over. "…It's not easy to just up and forget what he did," he replied. "That's what hurt most of all for ME."

"Because you only remembered the bad, Karkat," John said matter-of-factly. "But it's not like Gamzee WANTED to hurt anyone. He wanted to prove a point while getting…yeah, okay, a LITTLE bit of payback for all the crap you guys put him through. But did you ever stop to wonder why Tavrosprite wasn't there? Before he died, Tavros didn't really do anything to hurt him…so he didn't want to hurt Tavrosprite by making him participate. We told him to wait it out. Everyone was pretty much fair game."

There was a few moments of silence.

"…So what the fuck was up with Jake? Or even Jade and Roxy, for that matter?"

John laughed. "Hey, you really think we could've had that whole funhouse thing WITHOUT some Space and Void parlor tricks?" he asked, grinning. "And Jake just wanted to get back at Vriska. Oh, he did. I think he had a lot of fun playing the Malevolent Initiate…though I think he's wearing pants now to hide the bruise he got from Dirk's ass-kicking."

Karkat couldn't help the slight tug at the corners of his lips, but took a long drink from his water to hide it.

"….Look, Karkat, if you have to be mad at anyone, be mad at me. I was the one who put the idea into his head. It's FRIENDS Gamzee needs right now, not anyone holding a grudge." John gave Karkat a smile before heading to the back to get Gamzee.

Karkat quietly contemplated over what John told him, chewing his lip slightly before sighing and heading for the transportalizer.

"KARKAT!" came John's frantic screaming. Karkat jumped, hurrying to the back, a thousand and once scenarios running through his head—

John was backed up against the large dish washer, using his body to keep the door to it closed as bubbles spewed out and covered everything. Gamzee was frantically trying to relocate the suds to the sink.

"KARKAT, GET ROXY, WE NEED HER TO VOID THIS!" John backed up again, his foot slipping in the suds, making him flail and pull Gamzee down with him, the door opening and dumping more suds on both of them.

It was coincidentally then that Roxy came in to get some brownies—NOT THE POT ONES—and heard the commotion, hurrying to the back and pausing when she saw John flailing around covered in suds, Gamzee trying to wipe the suds from his face, honking in distress, and Karkat gasping for air as he laughed too hard to stand up straight.

"…I don't even want to fucking know," she said.


	9. Epilogue

**It's All Fun at the Carnival!**

 _ **Epilogue**_

It took a good long while for everyone to get back to normal. And for the nightmares to stop. And for everyone to be in the same room as Gamzee, John, Jake, Roxy, and Jade without flinching. But things settled down eventually.

The only one who REALLY held onto the grudge was, of course, Vriska, who still suffered from paranoia and twitches. At first she attempted retribution against Jake for daring to enjoy her misery so much, but her first attempt went right down the toilet.

Jake was reconciling with Dave in the rec room—still wearing the pants Gamzee gave him because damn, were they ever comfortable and completely covering—when Vriska came in and started running her mouth. It wasn't until she heard the click of a gun hammer being pulled back did she stop and see that Jake wasn't even looking up from his conversation with Dave and had one of his pistols aimed at her head.

"Vriska, you're currently pissing off someone who can shoot a bird through the eye in total darkness. And like John said, 'Idiot Death isn't permanent'. But I'm PRETTY sure it still hurts a bloody lot. So if you value that freaky eye of yours, I'd scuttle back into your dark corner like the spiderbitch you are."

Dirk was staring at Jake like he had grown an extra head. Vriska looked even more bamboozled than Dirk did. Jake just kept casual eye contact with Dirk, his gun hand never wavering.

Vriska turned and walked out without another word, and Jake slipped the gun back into his syllabus.

Dirk once again was grateful for his God Tier pants being poofy.

* * *

Dave and Karkat sat opposite of John and Gamzee as they were playing a game. A horrible game. A game that threatened the very fabric of humanity and bonds forged in both blood and loyalty. A GAME THAT WAS TO BE THE FINAL TEST OF GAMZEE'S INITIATION INTO NORMAL INTERACTION.

Monopoly.

And as it turned out, Gamzee was a ruthless, natural capitalist who was good with money and merciless with getting what he was owed.

Dave was staring at his stupid horse piece, about to go bankrupt, visibly sweating and making Karkat think of Equius. "….if I don't roll a six, I'm out of this game," Dave muttered.

"…Dave, you take these games way too seriously," said John, who poked at his dog icon. "It's just Monopoly. We don't even have JOBS to worry about right now as it is."

"What the fuck is even the POINT of this game!?" Karkat growled, glowering at his hat piece, having started losing patience twelve turns ago. "To fucking LOSE!? That's STUPID! This game is FUCKING STUPID!"

"…you're just mad you're motherfuckin' losing," Gamzee said matter-of-factly, counting up his fake cash.

The game went airborne as Karkat shrieked and tipped it over. "FUCK THIS GAME AND FUCK THAT STUPID HAT! AND FUCK YOU JOHN FUCKING EGBERT FOR SUGGESTING IT!" He continued to rave as Dave frantically shooshpapped him.

John and Gamzee exchanged a look before picking up the pieces.

"…Just when I was about to motherfuckin' win too…"

John smiled, putting the pieces neatly in the box before taking it to the corner where all the rest of the board games were, levitating up to put it on the top shelf. Vriska took that opportunity to shoot a spitball through her straw right onto John's neck, knowing full well John had a THING about wet things touching his neck.

John shrieked and flailed, creating a panicked wind around him that made all the board games on the shelf fall right on top of him, pieces scattering everywhere. Gamzee honked in distress, hurrying over to pull John out from under the pile.

"Now THAT is a prank," Vriska said, smirking as she watched Gamzee fret over John, who in turn was assuring Gamzee that he was fine.

"Ooooh, you know what's going to happen as soon as John discovers it was you, right?" Jade said, looking both amused and serious. "His Prankster's Gambit is going to go through the ROOF in retaliation."

"Like he can get any worse than that stupid fuckery of a party," Vriska mumbled. Jade continued with her LOOK.

"Never…ever…underestimate John Egbert's Prankster's Gambit," she said ominously, turning back to her book. Vriska scoffed.

"What EVER," she muttered, reclining back and watching Gamzee carry a protesting John out of the room. She finished off her drink and a trashy magazine before standing up. "Wonder what the Psycho Twins are up to," she said, heading off to get more napkins for more spitballs.

 **CRASH**

 _ **SPLOTCH**_

Silence.

Everyone looked up and stared at what just happened to Vriska.

Vriska was standing stock still in the doorway.

A bucket on her head.

And was dripping with thick, purple goo.

Terezi sniffed the air. "…what smells like sour grapes and Gamzee?"

Karkat turned an interesting green-red, putting a hand over his mouth. "Oh GOG—" He absconded quickly to the bathroom. Sounds of puking came moments later.

Rose burst into loud laughter, almost falling off the couch as Kanaya blushed a bright white. Dave was torn between helping Karkat and wanting to collapse from the laughter he was trying to keep in for Karkat's sake.

Vriska remained in a shocked, motionless state until John and Gamzee walked back in, pausing.

"Uh…Vriska? You have a bucket on your—"

Vriska let out a loud scream, running out of the room, sounding more traumatized than when she was on synthynique, the bucket flying off her head. John barely managed to catch it before it hit him, holding it at arm's length since he had been informed on what it was FOR on Alternia. "Er…"

"John, that was INCREDIBLY inappropriate, even for a prank!" Kanaya scolded. John gingerly handed Roxy the bucket to Void away, wiping his hands on his pants.

"I didn't do it!" he said, huffing. "Ever since Gamzee told me what it's for, it's like…..touching someone else's condoms or something!"

"Oh my GOD, John!" Roxy said, burying her face in her hands. "JUST…EW."

"Hard to believe you would just let Vriska get away with that WITHOUT trying to one-up your Prankster's Gambit," Jade said.

"…Wait, that slimy thing on my neck was because of VRISKA? EW!"

As John scrubbed at his neck, Gamzee picked up a comic book and sank into a beanbag chair, taking his bag of purple Jammin' Sour Diabetic Coma Gushers out of his pocket and eating them, grinning widely.

Johnbro may be the king of pranks, but he wasn't the only one with a Prankster's Gambit.


End file.
